Who Would Jesus Assassinate?

Our own American Imam, Pat Robertson, wants us to assassinate the president of Venezuela.

Let's see: democracies are only good if they are highly supportive of the U.S. Shoot, I hope the Iraqis get it right or they may have us repounding their cities with 2,000-pound bombs within a few more years. They better hope Chaney doesn't win the presidency.

But let's talk about Robertson, and that is difficult to do with any kind of straight face. The man is the classic village idiot but without a village. He is no longer the head of the 700 Club and commands a viewership of about one million, roughly what a the food channel gets on a very very good day. But he still instills fear - not on the Venezuelan president - but rather on our own.

Robertson, a high-profile religious righter and big supporter of George Bush, calls for the murder of a sitting president of a Western Hemisphere country (and not Cuba!) and the best the Bush administration can do is parade out a low ranking State Department bureaucrat to state that Robertson is a "private citizen" and that his remarks do not reflect U.S. policy.

Thank you, George. I'm glad we have that cleared up and the rest of the world can relax.

Meanwhile, Senor Presidente, don't accept any cigars from U.S. citizens!

I always ask: where is the outrage? Internationally, it is everywhere. Here in the United States, minimal although some right-wing Christian organizations appear to be distancing themselves from Robertson's statements.

I do not recall anything in the Bible where Jesus says, "hey, let's off this guy." I mean, even Judas got a free ride. He didn't end up in an old battered trunk at the bottom of the Red Sea, which I'm sure Peter would have taken care of had Jesus given Judas the kiss rather than vice versa.

I mean, you could point to David, who did do a fair amount of offing rivals, including Uriah, the husband of Bathesheba. But we learned he paid for it. God did not take it kindly and David felt extreme retribution.

Perhaps, we can assume that Robertson has not been reading the whole Bible, but rather the Reader's Digest abridged version. Maybe they did not have the "David, you sinned" portion. Or, perhaps Robertson is like his buddy George Bush, who seemingly believes that only "portions" of the Bible is relevant, particularly since George has not coveted his neightbor's ass since he was 40 or so.

But maybe we have it all wrong. Robertson is a major religious leader, and given that, perhaps he is more in the know of what makes us all good little Christian boys and girls. Perhaps those medieval pontiffs had it right: if you are not one of us, then you deserve to die (in horrendous ways!).

In Robertson's world, Jesus may very well has made an enemies list. He sure got pissed off once with a shrub and cursed it to hell. He took a whip to those alleged money lenders and realtors outside the temple. He did hang out with prostitutes and undesirables and did not have much love for rich men (didn't he say they would go more likely to hell than heaven, and since he probably has a major say about that now, isn't that, well, kind of mean?) Maybe that's what Robertson has been focusing on. No more namby pamby turn-the-other-cheek kind of Christianity - let's turn those plowshears into swords and cut off some ears!

Jesus' enemies list? That liberal Pontius Pilot was probably on it. That pompus Calaphus? Possibly. Judas? You would think. Herod Antipas? Oh, definitely, and there is good indication he did take him out. Remember the bit about Herod dying in agony from being eaten from inside by worms! I am not making this up. Read Acts.

But I am begging the point. Anyway you look at it, Robertson is an idiot. That explains more than any of us really need to understand.