Questions I Would Ask Dubya at One of His Town Meetings?

Let's just assume for the sake of argument that George W. Bush's town meetings were more than just a photo op and an opportunity to spill his sphile to an adoring audience of supporters. Let's just assume that you could go in and ask the alleged President of the United States anything that you wanted. What would it be. Here are my 10.

1. Why do you find it so difficult to accept evolution as a fact of natural life, particularly when scientists say the only "theory" associated it with it are the various ways natural selection works?

2. How old do you think the earth is? Just a round figure. Are we talking thousands of years, or millions of years, or perhaps even billions?

3. Do you really believe the bible is literal and infallible? If so, why is god such a hard ass in the opening chapters, but such a lovely guy by the time he gets to Matthew?

4. How big a sin is it to spill your seed upon the ground? In Texas, would that be a capital offense? And in fact, do you agree with the bible that a woman left a widow must marry her husband's brother? Hey, let's talk about Leviticus.

5. Who has the best direct contact with god - you or the pope? Would the pope accept a promotion and a move to Washington?

6. Other than the Hungry Goat, what other books have you read since 9/11? Book tapes can also be included in your count.

7. If the merging of an egg and a sperm produces immediate life that must be preserved, how do you justify the killing of Iraqis just to rid the country of Saddam? Does this mean you subscribe to the Vietnam dictum that to save a village, first you must burn it? A follow-up question: do you own a Zippo lighter?

8. At exactly what point does religiosity become off-the-wall and needs to be put down? Let me give you an example:

MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin (AP) -- A church elder was sentenced to 21/2 years in prison Tuesday for abusing an 8-year-old autistic boy who died in what prosecutors called an exorcism at a storefront church.
Prosecutors say Ray Hemphill lay on Terrance Cottrell Jr.'s chest for at least an hour while trying to release "demons" from him, before the boy died August 22, 2003.
Hemphill's attorney had argued his client was trying to help the boy, and that Cottrell died after an overdose of medication. The medical examiner ruled the boy died of suffocation.
Terrance died at the Faith Temple Church of the Apostolic Faith in Milwaukee, where Hemphill was a church elder and where the boy and his mother were members.

9. When you say your prayers at night, do you ever ask god to let Saddam rot in hell? A follow up question: where exactly is hell? Is it in Mississippi, or does it just resemble the state?

10. If there is a god in heaven, please explain to me how in the hell you ever became president?